he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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