There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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