recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
