Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize