My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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