if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
