I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
