I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
