What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize