im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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