so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
