Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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