she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
