just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
