cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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