Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
