remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
