ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
