I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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