Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just pee around me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
