I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize