but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
