Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
