I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
