just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
