you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
