Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All the doctor said was why
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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