Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize