Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
