i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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