You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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