Who did Billy Mays play for?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
