The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
