I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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