ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize