Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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