she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
