i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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