I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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