I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
