last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
