love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
