so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
