a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
