there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
