When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
