im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
