I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
