i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
