the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
