I am in a vortex of obligation.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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