how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
