Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
