A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
