We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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