Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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