I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
