When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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