I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
