We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize