Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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