im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
