yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
