We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
