My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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