i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
