My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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