Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
