I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
